James 1:19 - 20 "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."
Why is it that we are so quick to speak and slow to listen? I find myself more inclined to share my opinion, to spill my woes and sorrows on any willing ear. And then there's the dilemma when other people are talking and you are indeed listening, but you hear nothing because you are waiting for them to shut up so you can talk. Ever experienced the situation where you are asked a question and in the middle of your answer, the person interrupts and rants about a completely unrelated topic? Yeah, I do that to people. It goes something like this:
Other person: Have any plans for the weekend?
Self: Well, yes, actually--
Other person: Oh! That reminds me, I was watching the news and it seems that the progress on such-and-such case is....
If I ever do that to you, please tell me to stop interrupting... it's rude and insensitive and I never mean to do it to you.
I've found that if you get interrupted enough times, you tend to stop talking altogether. Why try and say something at all if noone really cares what you're going to say? This whole revelation has helped me realize that I need to be a quicker listener. The less talking I do the better. Not for the mere fact of protecting myself from defeat, but because I realize how much it hurts others when they're trying to be heard by a deaf ear. There is much more to listening than simply being able to interject "uh huh" "I see" or "no way" at the appropriate times. Listening includes validating the person's feelings (i.e., i see how that would be disappointing..), offering support (would you like to tell me more? or what can i do to help you?), and making an effort to understand (it sounds like you feel discouraged because this happened...). A step in the right direction would be as easy as asking about the other person's life rather than jumping in with my own stories. I try not to let a conversation go by without asking "How was your day?" or "How are you feeling" (and waiting to listen to the answer!). It's really not all that difficult, but still I fail to do so sometimes in my selfish ambition for myself to be heard.
Then there is the issue of what comes out of my mouth when I do speak... sometimes, I let my mouth get ahead of me. I say things about situations or people that are untrue, hurtful, and insensitive. When I stop and think about what I'm actually saying and I realize how I would feel if someone was saying it about ME, I shut my mouth. In Ephesians, Paul commands: "Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it might benefit those who listen." My heart is screaming conviction at me right now. If something constructive needs to be said, let me say it in a helpful manner rather than as slander. For the past few months we have been going through the book of Proverbs. Essentially all 31 chapters addresses the tongue, lips, mouth, or words in some form or another. Our speech is a dangerous weapon if not controlled. While it has the power to soothe like balm or satisfy as honey, in an instant we choose to use it to cut people down, especially those we love the most. I catch myself regretting most things I say and have found it better to simply keep my mouth shut if I can't say something nice (although I have failed to tame it effectively). A constant work in progress, my ambition is to actually be encouraging with my words that they might benefit those who listen.
