Angry Face

One or two of you readers might get more enjoyment out of this post than others... so, this is for you. 

Oh, the honesty of 9-year-old boys; especially those that sadly have been handed a plateful of diagnoses. 

Conversation [names withheld for confidentiality...:)]:

Me: You never stop talking, N!

N: Yeah, 'previous worker' would always say Quit giving me a headache!

Me: No, they didn't - they would never say something like that to you.

N: I know... I always knew they were joking because they didn't have their serious face.  But, when I'm acting out and I'm biting you, you say "There is NO biting!", you have your angry face on so I know you're not kiddin' around.

Me: (holding back loads of laughter) Well, I don't like being bit... but, I have an angry face?

N: Oh yeah! When you have your angry face, I know you mean business.

It's amazing to me how much can be said through facial expressions and body language. Communication definitely goes beyond words.  What allows connection, however, is the ability to discern and interpret what exactly a person is trying to communicate.  We must really hear, not just listen; see, not just view; understand, not just comprehend; and respond, not just receive.  This, is what life is all about.  Be careful what you attempt to communicate, and take extra care to really get what others are trying to say.  

Don't Spit

Have you ever stopped to think about why you're alive?  I did this week... On top of wedding stress, a terribly discouraging work week, I've managed to gain a cold... lovely.  I hate that feeling where you're not sick enough to stay home, but you're definitely sick enough to be grumpy and nonexistent.  So, because of all of this, I stopped and thought about why I'm alive.  And you know what I came up with?  Because God made me and He loves me.  Profound, huh?  No, seriously, the only reason that I'm alive is because God loves me.  There are so many things going on in my life; growing deeper in some relationships and falling depressingly away from others; learning how NOT to do my job, figuring out the most effective way to teach volleyball skills to those who know none, and trying to keep a grasp on reality as my wedding inches closer.  When you stop and really think about it - none of this matters.  God loves me and that's that.  It's enough.

I've been talking to one of my co-workers about the job and such - and let me tell you, he has plenty to say about it.  Every afternoon, there is something new to rant about, and I caught myself joining in the complaints.  What finally caught me was him voicing his disgust for being spat at (If you know anything about my job, you know this is most definitely a common occurrence).  We were talking about a former client and his experience with a former co-worker, when I realized that probably what disgusts God the most is when we spit in His face.  The tantrums, the slamming doors in faces, the biting to the point of tetanus shots - God can handle it all... but when it comes to spitting in His face, it saddens him; disgusts Him.  What I mean by spitting in God's face is that whenever we choose to complain about that which He has given us, we're saying He's not good enough - that He doesn't know what He's doing.  Whenever I choose my way over His way, I'm spitting in His face.  Ultimately, God is trying to provide the best environment for us; that which we can grow, learn, and mature... a situation where we can prosper and enjoy life to the fullest.  Don't spit in his face.  (I'm not directing that command at any one person, except maybe myself).  

Despite how discouraged I've been feeling lately, I know that God has all things planned for the best.  That may mean sticking it out, learning to persevere through tough times.  I know there is a reason I'm here and that I am involved in the activities and organizations that I am.  I'm going to trust that God knows best, and swallow the spit.

On Musical Vocalization and Mildewed Laundry

This will be very very random because I'm tired, ate too much cookie dough and think everything is funny.  Hence, another view into the rambling thoughts of Mikaela's brain. I just have to say I'm upset that it's 10:53 and I'm not asleep... unfortunately, it's all due to my own stupidity.  I started a load of laundry (which, I might add, was DESPERATELY needed!) about 20 minutes ago and therefore cannot go to bed until it's done in the washer.  There is this terrible plague that happens to clothes left in the washer... it's called "smells like mildew".  Yeah, it's a serious problem, and a technical term.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when a load of freshly washed clothes gets left in the washer overnight (or for a long period of time) and begins to smell like wet dog (or mildew).  It's a waste of the immense amount of water used to wash the clothes (and the amount it will take to re-wash them), a waste of detergent, which in turn creates an unnecessary additional trip to the store for more, and it just makes the clothes stink... and no one likes smelly clothes (at least I don't, and if you do... well, I'm not to judge so I'll keep my mouth shut on that one - but you might need therapy).  So, here I sit, counting down the minutes and listening very intently to the different noises of the washing machine to figure out where it is in its cycle.  Currently, it sounds like it's on the "final spin" stage, which is great news.

Okay, yes, so I'm tired and funny (uh huh, I'm laughing at myself - which is quite rare, and some of you may not realize how odd it really is to think yourself to be funny and laugh at your own clever thoughts!).  Oh... washer is now winding down, which means I have a very brief moment to complete my rambling thought on musical vocalization.  I just want to say that God definitely appreciates musical talent - it talks all through the Bible about angels, prophets, kings, common people singing praise to the Lord.  So, I think He meant for us to use our voices in a musical way.  Therefore, if you are capable of singing beautifully (without needed your head to be popped because it's full of hot air), you should use your voice to praise God and to bless others.  If I had the capability, I would sing for others, but God gave me other talents instead.  Still though, I do my best to worship God through song as often as I can.  I have discovered though, that music and people singing brings me great joy and puts a smile on my face.  One of my favorite things EVER is to have someone sing to me, and I love even the little things such as voicemails of a song I like sung by someone I like - it can really brighten a person's day.  You should try it - it might make you feel pretty darn good too! :) I think singing lifts anyone up; you can't help but be calmed if you're upset and made happy if you're angry when there's music around.  Everyone should love it.  

Okay, I really have no idea what all that I just wrote says, and I'm not going to take the time right now to read over it... because, the laundry finished, I got it in the dryer, and now I'm going to try and close my tired eyes and sleep... Changing the laundry did prompt another random thought though, and if anyone has a theory or answer regarding the following statement, you better inform me on it because I've been trying forever to figure it out - why the heck do we so often end up with only 1/2 a pair of socks after the laundry is done?? What happens to the missing sock?

I'll leave you with that one to ponder.  Go sing.

Completely Prideful

This post, I must warn, will have absolutely zero metaphoric significance, and lacks depth in thought.  I just have to share that I know my country music way too well.  

Unfortunately, Mac and I brought a U-haul back from Corvallis this weekend which left each of us driving the same very long drive in two separate cars... and my phone died.  So, as for lack of entertainment, after praying for a significant amount of time and listening to a variety of sermons and radio news channels, I tuned into the lately-avoided country music station (I listen to it WAY too much, almost as much as I drink coffee).  Well, they happened to be playing a game where you had to name the title and artist of the top five songs in their weekly country music hit countdown.  I just want everyone to know, that had my phone not died, I most definitely would have called in because I rocked that quiz...

#5 - "Don't think I don't think about it" - Darius Rucker

#4- "I Still Miss You" - Keith Anderson

#3 -  "You Look Good in My Shirt" - Keith Urban

#2 - "Waitin' on a Woman" - Brad Paisley

#3- "Do You Believe Me Now?" - Jimmy Wayne

Like I said, post lacks significance and any thought-provoking sonnets.. just wanted to say I'm proud and embarrassed that I knew the top 5 country songs of the week... and why I knew them within the first 3 seconds of the song, I'll leave for you to decide.

Jiffy Lube

I strongly dislike going to JiffyLube (yes, I used the words "strongly disliked" because the "H" word is not allowed with my kids - notice I refrained from the word kiddos - and therefore it would be hypocritical to use it).  Pardon the rambling side note, point is, I do not like going to get the oil changed.  I was trying to figure out exactly what it is that causes me to not want to go.  It's not the waiting or the always awkward conversations with the mechanics.  In all honesty, I despise it because they always try to give me free services! 

"You've got a few rock chips in your windshield - we can fix them for free, do you want us to?" Me being the amazingly independent adult that I am, always has to call up Daddy to make sure it's okay, and of course, he always says no.  We absolutely refuse to get free service.  

While the way I'm verbalizing this scenario seems awfully ridiculous, it's true.  We don't like to get free things because there is always a catch, right?  The nice men at Jiffy Lube only want to fix the rock chips because they get something out of it... somehow, they're still going to charge me even though they said it was free.  There is no way I can owe them nothing for their services.  No such thing as free in our world.

I find it's the same way with accepting God's grace.  So many people, myself included, cannot just accept that God desires to forgive us, no matter what we do, and accept us into his family. It is a FREE gift to be saved and GIVEN eternal life in heaven.  (Heaven, by the way, is going to be way, way, way, better than life as we currently know it).  Yet we still somehow cannot accept his offer.  At least for me, I always feel like I owe Him something... that I need to earn his grace and love.  My inability to accept what God has offered has turned out to be incredibly binding.  I desperately wish to find myself at the place of complete surrender that I used to be in.  

There is a beautiful freedom that comes from surrendering all control and selfish desires to the throne of God.  There is comfort in knowing that the One who created you and loves you unconditionally is going to take care of you.  It's just that point between letting go and freedom that is the hardest, and utterly painful.  It's what I'm trying to do, though - to trust that there are no catches to the free gift and just accept it.  Then, and then only, will I be free and feel joy in my heart once again.