Improvement

I sucked it up and went to the children's hospital today to see N.  This was incredibly difficult for me for three reasons - 1.) I really despise hospitals and trying to navigate my way around them. 2.) I dread any interaction with N's parents. 3.) Most importantly, I didn't think I could handle seeing N this way.

I'll give the good news first.  N was moved out of PICU (Pediatric) at about noon today and put in general pediatrics.  He is now considered "awake" (Out of the coma!!), and took two steps with help on command this morning.  He seemed pretty alert when I was there - I took him "The Little Engine That Could" and a stuffed animal monkey (because N once told me he was a monkey and he loves to climb EVERYTHING).  When I put the monkey on his lap, he grabbed it with his right hand and started bouncing it up and down on the rail, as if it was walking... he made lots of noises while doing this, and when I talked to him, he looked at me, though I'm not sure he recognized me, it was good to see that he was responding to other people.

The tough news - N can't talk.  He makes lots of noises, but they are all grunts and coos.  His eyes are only part open, but his mom said they are the most open they've been yet... which means there's improvement, which is good.  He is showing limited use of his left side which could be a result of many things, but the main point is - we want him to start using that side.  He would try and sit up to play with the monkey but fall over on his left side because his left arm was still behind him.  He was very agitated, which is not all that abnormal, considering it's N.  It's going to be very slow going, but as I said before, this kid's a fighter.  He's showing us all he's going to be okay.  He'll need lots of PT, Speech Therapy, and others, but he'll be okay.  I hope.

Prayer - pray for patience of the doctors and N's parents; trying to keep this kid in a hospital bed hooked up to machines will be no easy task.  Pray that he continues to improve and that they discover what is causing the immobility of his left side.  Pray that as he improves, the issues of his life after hospital will work out, and that if at all possible, he can be put in a safe home. 

Thank you, everyone for your prayers and concerns... it means a lot to me, and I know N would be ecstatic if he knew he was the center of so many people's attention.

Hate

A lot of my previous posts (which I apologize for being so scarce lately) have been inspired by the wonderful little boy that I spend most of my afternoons with.  To completely disregard the fact that he is a handful, often verbally and physically attempts to hurt me, and just sometimes is plain difficult would be untruthful.  But, underneath it all, I have come to grow and cherish the little guy; he is sincere beyond belief - and truly has a tender heart when it comes down to it. 

This post is inspired by him as well, and is seemingly difficult for me to write.  Over the past two days, I've been bottling up emotions and thoughts that I need to let out. 

Thirty-six hours ago I found out that this nine-year-old boy I've been working with for the last four months was hit by a car when riding his bike without a helmet.  He was life-flighted to the children's hospital in Spokane where he is in ICU, in a coma, suffering traumatic brain injury.  I don't know all the details, but all I know is it's not looking good.  When I first listened to the message I was in complete shock.  When I actually talked to someone about it, I was incredibly saddened, scared, but in all honestly, mostly angry.  I have never struggled with hating people, but this situation has brought out a new feeling of anger and rage that I have never experienced.  Because of confidentiality and my conscience, I cannot share the details behind this emotion.  NB deserved more than this and I just wish I could do something about it.  All I can do right now, though, is cry and feel sick, and try everything to focus on Thanksgiving instead of this awful event.  And in the midst of it all, I keep trying to suppress the feeling of my throat closing up and my lung being compressed by an heavy black burden.  

More to come on NB when I can pull myself together.  Pray for the ones I hate, pray for me that I will forgive, pray for the innocent 19-year-old girl that hit NB... but mostly, please, please, please, pray hardest for my little buddy.  He's a fighter.  Pull through, bud.