Hate

A lot of my previous posts (which I apologize for being so scarce lately) have been inspired by the wonderful little boy that I spend most of my afternoons with.  To completely disregard the fact that he is a handful, often verbally and physically attempts to hurt me, and just sometimes is plain difficult would be untruthful.  But, underneath it all, I have come to grow and cherish the little guy; he is sincere beyond belief - and truly has a tender heart when it comes down to it. 

This post is inspired by him as well, and is seemingly difficult for me to write.  Over the past two days, I've been bottling up emotions and thoughts that I need to let out. 

Thirty-six hours ago I found out that this nine-year-old boy I've been working with for the last four months was hit by a car when riding his bike without a helmet.  He was life-flighted to the children's hospital in Spokane where he is in ICU, in a coma, suffering traumatic brain injury.  I don't know all the details, but all I know is it's not looking good.  When I first listened to the message I was in complete shock.  When I actually talked to someone about it, I was incredibly saddened, scared, but in all honestly, mostly angry.  I have never struggled with hating people, but this situation has brought out a new feeling of anger and rage that I have never experienced.  Because of confidentiality and my conscience, I cannot share the details behind this emotion.  NB deserved more than this and I just wish I could do something about it.  All I can do right now, though, is cry and feel sick, and try everything to focus on Thanksgiving instead of this awful event.  And in the midst of it all, I keep trying to suppress the feeling of my throat closing up and my lung being compressed by an heavy black burden.  

More to come on NB when I can pull myself together.  Pray for the ones I hate, pray for me that I will forgive, pray for the innocent 19-year-old girl that hit NB... but mostly, please, please, please, pray hardest for my little buddy.  He's a fighter.  Pull through, bud.