Perpetual Smiling Man

I will start out by saying that this post is going to completely lack structure and may appear to be a window into the rambling ways of Mikaela's mind... yes, after all, I have entitle this blog "Rambling Thoughts".  It does indeed have a point, but how I arrive at that point will be entirely up to my fingers and the connection my brain makes between my thoughts and my ability to type them in an organized fashion.  Bear with me.

First of all, I've come to find out that there are a handful of people who can brighten up my day at any given moment.  It's true - no matter how absolutely horrid the previous happenings of my agenda were, a certain somebody can boost everything.  God certainly blessed me because the man I'm marrying, among others, happens to be at the forefront that small handful!  

Then, there are the people who I hardly ever talk to, but when I hear their voice after what seems to be decades (even if it's only been a few weeks or if it's been a couple years!), I become absolutely ecstatic.  Oh yes, that most certainly occurred today - lucky for me, more than once!  And let me inform you - the surprises could not have come on a more perfect day...

So, there are the people who constantly brighten up your day because their love for you is so apparent and because you love them so much you can't help but smile when you even think about them... And there are the people who wander in and out of your life who make you jump for joy.  Some lucky, extra-special souls fall in both categories.  And then, there are the people who you really don't know at all, and never really will know, but somehow, their joy is so apparent that you can't help but feel good.

Yes, I am talking about the Perpetual Smiling Man.  Okay, it's a term we made up; a nickname, if you will, for a specific man who has stuck in our heads.  Maybe everyone has met someone like him, I don't know.  What is certain is that this man is ALWAYS smiling.  He's standing in front of a few thousand college students (on their first week back, mind you) in the rain talking about how we're going to spend the whole day serving the community... and he can't wipe this incredible smile off his face!  Now, he's in an auditorium full of us, talking about a very serious issue, and still that smile is there.  I run into him in a different setting, and what do you know - yes, you guessed it, smiling.  It's not one of those cheesy, fake smiles either... it's a genuine, "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart" smile.  

For a while, we just laughed at him, Mac and I.  Perpetual Smiling Man is ALWAYS smiling - what's up with that?? And then I realized - he's got it.  Perpetual Smiling Man is probably the best nickname one could ever want.  He understands the fullness of true joy that comes from salvation and accepting God's grace... Perpetual Smiling Man wants everyone else to experience the same joy he has, all because of what Christ has done for him.  It doesn't matter what happens in this life, we have something to perpetually smile about.  Today, I don't know what it was that brought Perpetual Smiling Man to conversation, but I am certainly grateful.  I hope that he knows how many lives he's touched just by wearing that grin on his face.  Maybe we could all use a little lesson in happiness, and I think Perpetual Smiling Man has helped bring me one step closer to demonstrating true joy.

Crazy Love

So, I picked up this book today from Borders called "Crazy Love" by Pastor Francis Chan.  The story of me finding this particular book was quite the story in itself, and therefore, I could not help but purchase it.  Francis Chan is an incredibly gifted speaker, whom I first heard in 9th grade at Winter Youth Celebration.  My best friend currently goes to his church down in CA, but hearing about Francis is not the important part - it's his message.  Let's just say that the way he speaks makes one view God in a completely different manner than ever before.  I guarantee you listen to one minute of something this man says, and your relationship with God will be altered.  

It's definitely not comfortable, because as his book says, "change is painful".  We don't like change and certainly do not like someone rocking our comfort boat.  But trust me, we all need a life-transformation when it comes to relationships, especially a relationship with God.  

On that note, I've read the first chapter of his first book (which is brand new, by the way), and already I am highly recommending it.  I know you're probably super busy, whether it be school, kids, or work - there are plenty of excuses to skip out.  I'm thinking though, based on personal experience, that if you read this book, you will find that whatever it is that is keeping you busy is really not going to matter at all.  I highly recommend that you take $13.99 + tax out of your wallet/savings, and spend 5 minutes of your morning as long as it takes, to read this book. Seriously - at least start by checking out the webpage: http://www.crazylovebook.com/ 

If you want a tiny taste of how Francis thinks - go to http://www.juststopandthink.com/ and watch the short video first.  Believe me, my life is being transformed at this exact minute, and I can't help but share it with you!  Try it out... honestly.  It'll give you something to think about, if nothing else.  

Rotten

Have you ever stopped to think about how amazing the love of God actually is?  Sometimes it takes much more than pausing in my day to be moved by the unconditional love he has showed us.  Yesterday, for example, took much more than a moment.  

In all honesty, I feel pretty downright rotten.  The worst thing, in my opinion, is to hurt the ones that I love.  While the pain brought upon my loved one may not have been intentional, there certainly was a lack of intentionality in how I show my love.  Someone once told me (actually multiple times) that she can see how important loyalty is to me.  "Mikaela," she said, "you are the most loyal person I have ever met.  I can see that you feel loved based on commitment and loyalty."  And then, here I go... proving to be disloyal in my heart.  I feel absolutely rotten. 

I don't know about you, but when I reach that point of absolute blackness in my soul, all I want to do is crawl in a hole and run away from all that I have hurt.  I have a very hard time accepting love when I realize I have been unloving.  Last night, though, I found myself in a situation that I could not escape.  I was told I cannot be forgiven by the human power of any person.  Still, though, my loved one finds it within himself to forgive me and to show me the unconditional love God has showed him.  Thank you, my love, for being a vessel of Christ's love to me.  It is only by the grace of God, the unconditional love of the Almighty King, that I can be washed white as snow and forgiven.  The truth is, hearing that truth broke me.  Why anyone, especially the only One who has ultimate power and creativity, would choose to die a brutal death, and then raise again for ME, a black-hearted, disloyal no-one, is beyond my comprehension.  Truth breaks us in the most beautiful way ever imaginable. 

It is taking me time to face the music; to face all that I am afraid of, and run into the loving arms of grace instead of running away.  Finding myself in this exact place of disparity again is inevitable.  We are continually in dire need of salvation.   Graciously for us, there is hope - a Savior who waits for us to reach this point of brokenness so he can shower us with his unconditional love.  Be washed white as snow.

"Snow" - By Jon Foreman

Have mercy on me, oh God 
According to Your unfailing love 
According to Your great compassion 
Blot out my transgressions 
Create in me a clean heart, oh God 
Restore in me the joy of Your salvation 
The sacrifices of our God are a broken and a contrite heart 
Against You and You alond have I sinned 
Would You create in me a clean heart, oh God 
Restore in me the joy of my salvation 
Wash me white as snow 
And I will be made whole 
Wash me white as snow 
And I will be made whole

No Whining

whined, whin·ing, noun

–verb (used without object)

1.	to utter a low, usually nasal, complaining cry or sound, as from uneasiness, discontent, peevishness, etc.: The puppies were whining from hunger.

2.	to snivel or complain in a peevish, self-pitying way: He is always whining about his problems.

–verb (used with object)

3.	to utter with or as if with a whine: I whined my litany of complaints.

–noun

4.	a whining utterance, sound, or tone.

5.	a feeble, peevish complaint.

I just want everyone* to know that whining is ridiculous.  There will be no whining.  It ruins your day and my day**.  The End.

*Side note: I am a culprit of whining.  Therefore, this rant is directed at myself.

**Footnote: Ask me how my day was.

I have this inevitable tendency to stuff things down.  Whether good or bad, I'm not quite sure, but God allowed me the ability to hide what's really going on inside me.  Viewing my current state of being, I'm wondering if it is truly the best option to pretend something is not real or to ignore a dire truth.  

Vulnerability contains some incredible aspect of freedom.  There is freedom in revealing the hurts and joys of your inmost being.  A release of true emotion gives two people intimacy beyond physical ability.  It's hard to find those people with whom vulnerability comes naturally, and when you find them, you never want to let them go.  Discovering why this is took me some time, but I think I finally figured out.  All of us long to be safe, to feel secure.  Only God can provide that safety and security, but we, as humans (imperfect in nature), require tangible evidence of such comfort.  Therefore, the Lord of all grace gave us each other to serve as vessels, carrying God's provision to one another.  He has handpicked every connection between two people, allowing some to create bonds that, in an instant, break down the barriers of self-disgust and saving face.  Other bonds, while taking more time to cross the bridge, are also meant to last a lifetime.  I experience nothing but amazement with those few-and-far-between relationships come into my life and I find freedom.  Freedom in utter vulnerability; in complete and reckless abandon of any self-service.  It is there, in the midst of unveiled honesty, that God meets us... together.  

Thank you the Lord for his constant effort to reach our stone-cold hearts...

Songs

God is a lover of music... I know it because from the very beginning, songs have been written in expression of joy, of sorrow, of victory, and of pain.  All the way back in Genesis, one could find songs written by the Israelites as God proved faithful to save them from the enemy.  The Lord requests that we sing songs of praise; the angels lift their voices high to sing out "Hallelujah". Everyone carries the potential for a song in their souls.

I find myself longing for words sometimes, and all I can do is look up the lyrics to a song already written.  The mix of poetry and melody soothes my heart in a way unexplainable, yet I think everyone would understand my connection.  In times of depression, I ache to sit down at my most prized worldly possession (my piano) and let out all that is kept within me through the flow of my fingers over the black and whites.  Music is the universal language - everyone understands the mood, emotion, and message of songs, no matter what the words are.  Myself quite experienced in language barriers, I love that music can bring two very different people who are far away, unbelievably close.  I guess in all this rambling, I just want to thank God for the gift of music and for blessing certain people with the talent of song-writing.  On that note, when you lack words, when you are in need of comfort, go find a song.  You'll know the one.

My favorite lyrics of all time are "Worlds Apart" by Jars of Clay...

Hiking with a Prince and a Treasure

I wrote this a couple months ago, and although long, I do believe it is worth sharing...

How do I begin to describe what is going on inside me right now?  It's not that I'm experience any new exuberant difference within, nor is it that I do not feel emptiness.  Or maybe it is emptiness.  If it was emptiness that I sense, though, how would I know that it's there?  Emptiness has no feeling; emptiness has no content.  It's nothing.  So, how would I be able to know that it is there inside me, leaving me empty?  Empty is not a word one uses to describe life.  On the contrary, empty is a word of nothingness.  You find the remains of a good drink empty. A sold house, a poor widow, an abandoned barn, a neglected mailbox, an indebted kitchen, a still water, a starless sky, a silent choir, a sick tree. All empty. These things are full of nothingness, not life. So why is it that this word “empty” comes to mind when I think about my heart, my soul, my being at this very moment. I, indeed, am not nothing, and I am certainly not lifeless… if I were, these words would not be appearing before my eyes. Empty. I cannot describe it, yet there it is. It is as if I’m lost; lost from what brings my heart joy; lost from the path that I am destined for. How I lost my way, I am not sure, but the path I am on now is lonely. Not dark, not scary, not nightmarish, just lonely. I find myself walking on a path with no adventurous hills, without the sound of a mountain creek and the sunlight dancing through the canopy of treetops. The sound is absent because there is no creek; the light because there are no treetops. It’s just a plain, bare path, leading to, well… nothing. Everything is gray. Not black, not dark, just gray. I feel that once upon a time, in my fairytale dream with a prince so divine I could hardly believe he loved me, I was walking through the exciting, diverse terrain of a mountain trail. My prince took be by the hand and said, “never will I leave you, nor will I forsake you… follow me.” Where did I go wrong? As the journey continued, our adventure pressing forward, my prince would stop and say, “I’m so glad I get to spend today with you. I have something for you, just to show you how much I love you!” and there, he would present me with a gift; sometimes, it was a companion to join us on our journey. Sometimes, it was an asset to equip me on our hike. Other gifts were simply luxuries, a splendid surprise to refresh my spent being. Every gift he presented to me was always accompanied by these words: “Use it for my glory.” The last gift he gave me has been my most treasured gift yet. He said to wait; that he was going ahead to prepare the path for me, but this gift, my treasure, would surely lead me back to his hand. my prince let go of my hand, replacing his grasp with the grasp of another; my treasure. He told me to trust the gift to lead me back to him. He also reminded me not to forget what we were looking for. I did not understand, until now. This path I’m on now; I do not know how I found it. I can’t seem to find what I am looking for. I still trust the gift he’s given me, as my treasure has never once let go of my hand. Nor I have not forgotten what I am looking for; I am looking for my prince. More than anything, I want to hear that heartbeat of love, to sense that rush of tender enthrallment that my prince once showered over me. If I listen closely, I can still hear his words… he tells me to keep walking, to keep holding the hand of my treasure; to quiet down and be open to the timid heartbeat, the soft trickle that my treasure wants to speak to me. He cannot, by any means, be all to me that my prince once was. But, he does desire to lead me back to my prince and to speak to me. Just trust and believe. I only want one thing… I want my treasure and I to walk by the soothing waters again; to dance in the warmth of the holy son shining through the treetops. I want us to get off this gray path, this empty path and to find joy and song together. Most of all, I want us to find our prince together; to take turns leading each other closer and closer to where he is; to where he has prepared a place for us. This is my desire.

To start...

I have always wanted to do a blog, but its popularity has caused me to hold off.  If you know me at all, you know that I do not like to do what everyone else does, and I certainly do not like to involve myself in anything cliche.  However, writing is a release for me; a hidden passion that I tend to keep to myself.  As I've been praying, I realized that hoarding my God-inspired thoughts may be selfish, and therefore, I have chosen to start posting some reflections.  Certainly I do not wish to offend or transform anyone, but simply desire to inspire and allow God to speak through me for those who wish to read.  With that said, I know this blog will be sporadic - most definitely not a journal of my daily activities, but simply a place to share the revelations and inspirations that I find when in the presence of my Lord and Savior.  May your heart and mind be open to whatever the Lord would have you experience through my words.