Faithfulness

God's past faithfulness demands my present trust in Him.

Over the last three weeks, Pastor Rob has been leading our church through the "Stones of Remembrance" through the life and growth of Calvary Chapel Corvallis.  The most powerful message I have received his account of our church's history is summed up in the above statement.  No matter what we happen to be going through in life, God has always been faithful, currently is faithful, and will be faithful in our future.  There is never a time when we are uncared for, never a time He does not have His best interest in mind for the people He loves.  Through hard times, it is vital to feed on God's past faithfulness in order to survive.  We remember the times that He has seen us through the mire before and cling to the hope that He will remain faithful as He was during that fire-swamp.  Just as a child locks to his parent in trouble, so shall we hold fast to our Father the Protector.  He carries us through when things look destitute.  

Lamentations 3:22-23 encompasses the heart of trusting in the Lord: "Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassion never fails.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Sometimes I find myself reciting this verse over and over in my head, just to convince myself that we will, in fact, survive.  I must confess that I have faced minimal trials in my 23 years of life.  I will not share my entire book of life now, but I am constantly reminded how truly blessed and protected I have always been.  I thank the Lord for the testimonies of others who dwarf my faith and encourage me to see the fulness of God in a bigger light.  However, trials never cease in this life.  We live in a fallen world, plagued by the sin of all mankind.   Thus, we suffer.  Many pains are brought on myself by my own selfish ambition.  Others appear entirely unexplainable, far from fair, and seemingly unbearable.  And those are the moments in which we must hold onto the absolute truth that we will never be consumed because of the Lord's great consumed.  Though it feels as if we are drowning, never will be overtaken.  The Lord's compassion is never failing.  God's faithfulness depends neither on what we can observe nor on our perception.  

There will also be chapters in this book of life when things are fantastic.  Life goes smoothly, amazing blessings happen, everything is comfortable and secure.  It is in those moments we tend to forget the goodness and favor of our amazing Creator.  When things are good, it is easier to loosen our grip on God.  Friends, what I find is that it is in the good times that we need our Lord the most. 

The world will continue to deceive us.  We fix our eyes on financial stability, relational satisfaction, job security, covetous possessions.  Surely God created this world, everything in it, and gave man the ability to create new things to be enjoyed.  However, the moment it becomes more desirable than our relationship with Him, we sin.  We lose sight of what is most important, not only one what is most important, but on the only truth that is important.  

Ask yourself this:  Would you trade in all your money for one day with our God?  Would you give up your marriage, your relationship, your family if God reached out His hand to you and asked you to leave it all behind?  Would you give up your earthly body, your quest for perfection to be covered by His beauty?  Would you give up new clothes, the perfect job, your favorite food, simply to spend one second in His glorious presence?  It saddens me that I do not immediately shout "YES" to all these questions.  Humbly, ashamed, I merely hope I would nod.  The truth of the matter is, I love things too much.  I love my family too much.  It is time to begin caring less. 

Care less about life here on this earth.  Put your focus heavenward.  Store up your treasures in heaven.  All things here will come to an end, but God's love endures forever.  Hold on and never let go.

Valley

Jars of Clay captures my very heart today.

You have led me to the sadness

I have carried this pain

On a back bruised, nearly broken

I'm crying out to you

Chorus

I will sing of Your mercy

That leads me through valleys of sorrow

To rivers of joy

When death like a Gypsy

Comes to steal what I love

I will still look to the heavens

I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren't listening

Because there are no words

Just the stillness and the hunger

For a faith that assures

While we wait for rescue

With our eyes tightly shut

Face to the ground using our hands

To cover the fatal cut

And though the pain is an ocean

Tossing us around, around, around

You have calmed greater waters

Higher mountains have come down

Alleluia, alleluia

Alleluia, alleluia

Oh, Lord sing of Your mercy,

Mercy

Your mercy

Filth

Do you ever have those moments where you can't believe you've actually done something?  I sometimes wonder how I ever get to a place in my life where I am unaware of my actions, my thoughts, or the affect they have on others around me.  No matter how hard I try to reach perfection, to be a "good person", to put others first, or to live a pure and holy life, I seem to fail.

Pure and holy.  A concept that is far displaced from our fallen world, and often absent from my own life.  To live in a way that honors God in all moments, both in what is hidden and exposed.  And while we put on a facade of a sparkling, white life, we fail to realize just how far sunk we are in the own disgusting mire and muck of our sin.  No one is holy, no one is righteous.  Holiness has the ability to stand before God the Creator completely naked and bear no hint of shame.  Purity reflects a lifestyle of honest, transparent beauty, that should a light be held up to it, it will shine right through.

My life lacks all traces of transparent, raw beauty.  Instead, I put on the act each day... I wear the pressed clothes, I glue a fake smile to my face, I say kosher things and try to be nice.  Deep inside, though, where noone else can see, is a broken, vomitous soul.  If you etch away the white coating, you would find nothing but ashen black; charred, muddied filth.

Everything about my existence sickens me.  I think about the things I have said or done in my life over the years and find myself wishing I could take them back.  If only I could make up for my mistakes, for the ways I've hurt other people, for the sins I've committed against my Maker.

I see the Lord, seated on His throne, exalted.  While the train of His robe fills the temple with glory, I see but a sad tear fall from his eye.  His heart breaks over the selfish choices His child makes, and He can't do anything but hope she returns to His arms, where she belongs.  It is not til I lift my face out of the muck and slime that I realize, His robe is covering me... He covers my shame, he covers my guilt... and as I rise to my feet, choosing to leave my life of sin and selfishness, I feel his warmth and grace wash over me, releasing the weight I've been carrying.  Oh, how He loves us, so much to lift us up out of our darkest moments, to cover me and wash me white as snow.

Oh, Father above, make me whole.  Wash me white as snow.  Forgive me my transgressions.  Lead me back to the Cross; to your healing grace.  Wrap me safe in your arms.  Lord, save me from myself.

Sometimes...

... my brain stops working.  It seems there is so much to say, yet no words form on my fingertips.  My mind is swarming with indistinct thoughts, none of which I can organize.  The chaos inside has a dizzying effect on my ability to function.  I long for serenity.  To have a calm, smooth blankness would be suffice.  Rarely do I request anything without explanation or clarity.  Out of desperation, I simply wish for peace.

Trying to listen

James 1:19 - 20 "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."


Why is it that we are so quick to speak and slow to listen?  I find myself more inclined to share my opinion, to spill my woes and sorrows on any willing ear.  And then there's the dilemma when other people are talking and you are indeed listening, but you hear nothing because you are waiting for them to shut up so you can talk.  Ever experienced the situation where you are asked a question and in the middle of your answer, the person interrupts and rants about a completely unrelated topic?  Yeah, I do that to people. It goes something like this:

Other person: Have any plans for the weekend?
Self: Well, yes, actually--
Other person: Oh! That reminds me, I was watching the news and it seems that the progress on such-and-such case is....

If I ever do that to you, please tell me to stop interrupting... it's rude and insensitive and I never mean to do it to you.

I've found that if you get interrupted enough times, you tend to stop talking altogether.  Why try and say something at all if noone really cares what you're going to say?  This whole revelation has helped me realize that I need to be a quicker listener.  The less talking I do the better.  Not for the mere fact of protecting myself from defeat, but because I realize how much it hurts others when they're trying to be heard by a deaf ear.  There is much more to listening than simply being able to interject "uh huh" "I see" or "no way" at the appropriate times.  Listening includes validating the person's feelings (i.e., i see how that would be disappointing..), offering support (would you like to tell me more? or what can i do to help you?), and making an effort to understand (it sounds like you feel discouraged because this happened...).  A step in the right direction would be as easy as asking about the other person's life rather than jumping in with my own stories.  I try not to let a conversation go by without asking "How was your day?" or "How are you feeling" (and waiting to listen to the answer!).  It's really not all that difficult, but still I fail to do so sometimes in my selfish ambition for myself to be heard.  


Then there is the issue of what comes out of my mouth when I do speak... sometimes, I let my mouth get ahead of me.  I say things about situations or people that are untrue, hurtful, and insensitive.  When I stop and think about what I'm actually saying and I realize how I would feel if someone was saying it about ME, I shut my mouth.  In Ephesians, Paul commands: "Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it might benefit those who listen." My heart is screaming conviction at me right now.  If something constructive needs to be said, let me say it in a helpful manner rather than as slander.  For the past few months we have been going through the book of Proverbs.  Essentially all 31 chapters addresses the tongue, lips, mouth, or words in some form or another.  Our speech is a dangerous weapon if not controlled. While it has the power to soothe like balm or satisfy as honey, in an instant we choose to use it to cut people down, especially those we love the most.  I catch myself regretting most things I say and have found it better to simply keep my mouth shut if I can't say something nice (although I have failed to tame it effectively).  A constant work in progress, my ambition is to actually be encouraging with my words that they might benefit those who listen.

Mercy

What would our world look like if we examined ourselves?  If everyone else was like me, we would be remorseful, discouraged people.  The self-examination of our hearts leads us to a place of beautiful transformation.  Not one person could unveil their secrets and feel they have reached perfection.  Instead, the willingness to look at the heart authentically brings a raw chance for surrender.  Vulnerability must be present for mercy to rush in and cover all our shame.  And in this moment of naked disgrace, truer glory has never been known... the glorious forgiveness of our Lord and Savior! 
Oh Father, with reckless, hopeless abandon, I come before you a hypocrite, a sinner.  Wash me white, cover me with you blanket of grace.  Make me beautiful once again.


Inspired from Isaiah 43.

Productive!

I would consider today a productive day... I've posted on both my food blog, this one, and plan to update the family blog which is a major success considering it's been almost a month since any have been touched!  Sorry if you are a regular reader... I've been a letdown. =)

Also accomplished today, in both sun and rain:

• Picked 22 lbs. of organic strawberries with Mac
• Started one batch of strawberries, bananas, and apples in the dehydrator
• Hulled all the strawberries and begun flash-freezing them
• Found perfect Father's Day cards for both dads
• Watered my garden
• Found the first produce in our garden: a little green bean!
• Picked raspberries from the neighbor's yard
• Said hi to my parents
• Walked downtown with my Mac to get our favorite chai and take the computer to the Mac store
• Went into the Inkwell WITHOUT begging Mac to buy anything
• Rigged up a clothesline in the backyard
• Cleared the yard of weeds that came up to my waist
• Pruned the rosebushes (I know it's the wrong season, but they were falling over...)
• Discovered the herbs that previous renters planted are edible
• Thought about what to do with the 22 lbs. of strawberries and decided to make some strawberry crisp for dessert.

What beauty I find in a productive Saturday!  Now, to continue the productivity without going absolutely insane... on the docket for tomorrow after church:

• Go to Costco
• Make granola, adding in some of the dehydrated strawberries
• Get some laundry drying on the clothesline (if it's not raining)
• Bake bread
• Read my book
• Play piano
• Clean the house
• Dinner with the fam for Dad