Snowed In

For those of you following my blog simply for the purpose of praying for N, I'll forewarn you that this blog is completely unrelated to his current condition - haven't received any updates in the last couple days. 

As most of you know, my current residence - Spokane, Washington - got hit hard with a snowstorm this week.  We got 22" of snow, lots of wind, and now are experiencing subzero temperatures.  For those of you who know the author of these posts, you know I have lived in Northwest Oregon my entire life, therefore, completely unprepared for the past couple days. I came home early from work on Wednesday, and Mac and I were snowed in Thursday and Friday.  They finally came and plowed our side-street this morning and we were able to get out to buy some shovels (to dig out Mac's entirely buried car), and get the other essentials (such as milk and coffee makings).  It's been quite the adventure, I must say.  While I've been fairly productive working on Christmas presents, and I've enjoyed some quality time with my new husband, it's also been quite the challenge.

We've finally had the opportunity to meet our neighbors (the ones next to us and the ones below us), as we helped both of them get their vehicles unstuck.  That has been a joy to be able to help other people to the best of our ability, and I do thank God for that bit of light in this semi-depressing situation.  

Considering the isolation of the past 3 1/2 days, I've been thinking a lot about friendships, past and current.  My heart aches as I think of those I cherish, mostly friends from Oregon, but others as well.  I do not think myself worthy nor capable of questioning God's will, knowing that He plans and works all things out for the good of those who love him.  However, I do wonder why so many of the friendships that I've banked on have come to a seeming halt with the recent move to Spokane and my wonderful, new marriage.  Again, a lesson from the Lord... my pride has never quite allowed me to see how much I love and need the people he has placed in my life, even if they are far gone by now.  I guess I'm on a tangent, now (recall the title of my blog), but I hope that you know how grateful I am to you and for your presence (whether previously, now, or both) in my life.  I would never be where I am today, following my God and living my life for my Savior if it weren't for the loved ones in my life who have challenged me to pursue my goals, my dreams, and my faith.  

Do you ever have those moments when you just want to hide in the closet with a blanket wrapped around you and cry your eyes out for no apparent reason?  I wouldn't consider myself a real crier, per say, but I do have my moments.  Being snowed in triggered one of these moments.  I guess I just miss everyone... my husband is wonderful and I wouldn't trade him for the world, but we both know we need other people in our lives to interact with and build relationship with.  I'm really struggling with the reality that all those other people of mine are at least 8 hours away and will not be seen for at least 4 more months.  I guess I just want you all to know I miss you.

The last piece of my mini-depression today involved a trip to the Washington Department of Driver Licensing.  Yes, I do indeed have to get a Washington's driver's license, seeing as my name has changed and the insurance policy won't stay affective unless I'm a WA driver.  That hit me hard for some reason... I'm not ready to be called a "Washingtonian" - I have always considered this move temporary, and know that someday we will go back to Oregon, my wonderful green home.  But, I guess it just sets it in stone that I've entered a new phase of life, and I am going to live here as long as God calls us to serve in this area.  

Change, I don't mind... permanent change, a little harder to handle.

Anyway, I think I've had a enough self-pitying for a day.  Sorry if this blog depressed you; I hope it cheered you up to know you're treasured and thought of.

A friend of mine always puts a song of the day up... well, this is my song of the day:

"You Get Used to Somebody" - Tim McGraw

Visit #3

I got to see N today in the rehab center.  It was a blessing to have some one-on-one time with him, and also to know that I was giving the nurse a break since someone has to be with him at all times and the parents are hardly ever there.  He really has made amazing progress, just as I stated in my last update.  

It brought tears to my eyes when I walked in and his whole face lit up - smiles and all - which was a huge improvement from last time when he showed no facial expression.  I asked him if he remembered me and he said very quietly (as he says everything very quietly), "Yes, you're Mikaela" with a huge smile on his face. I miss him so much.  

I sat with him for about 2 hours, talking to him, watching cartoons with him, and helping him when he needed something.  As far as conversation goes, he fully understands everything said to him, and much better at responding to me.  He is able to talk in full sentences, as mentioned previously, but it takes him a long time to complete one.  I noticed the trend was getting stuck at specific nouns.  For example, he could easily say "I want a..." but when it came to what exactly he wanted, he had a hard time finding the right word or being able to say it.  It was very apparent that this frustrated him and he kept getting agitated when he couldn't finish his thought.  It took him about 10 minutes to complete the sentence "I want a toy."  On the other hand, the factual side of his brain seems to be fully present - when I asked him if he knew that Christmas was coming soon, he said "yes, in thirteen days."  He also said in response to the snow outside that he wanted to wear his boots.

He's very good at helping to push his wheelchair, and likes to get out of it when he can.  I even got to see him walk to the bathroom (with a bit of assistance from the nurse).  He let me know he needed to use the bathroom, that he wanted to lay down on his bed, and that he was hungry for dinner, all of which I was able to tell the nurse.  As his verbal communication is slowly coming back, he is also learning to sign, and will sign "yes" to questions when I can't understand his mumbles or his head movements.  (He has a lot of ticks and twitches still).  

I know he's lonely... he really did not want me to leave, but he was about to fall asleep, so I told him I would come back next week, which made him happy.  Keep the prayers coming - it's looking hopeful!  Good will come of this whole situation, and I'm still praying that God works on my heart and helps me find more little blessings; like talking more with other people who care for N, and appreciating the little guy for who he is, hardships and all.  The situation has allowed me to converse more with co-workers I don't normally talk to, so that has been helpful in feeling a little more connected up here.  But, I don't want to turn the attention of this hardship on me at all - it's about N and about God making his glory known through it all.  

Like always, I will keep you all updated when I know more.  As for now, we can only expect good news.  

GOOD NEWS!

Thank you so much for all your prayers - they've been answered! I have constantly stressed that my biggest request was that N would talk and walk again, and praise the Lord, he's doing both! Saturday he took 60 steps independently which is incredible.  As of Tuesday, he was barely standing on his own.  Also, Tuesday, when I saw him, he was not talking at all... by Thursday he was saying "yeah" and "okay" and by Saturday he was speaking in full sentences - slurred and hard to understand, but sentences nonetheless!  

In addition, he was able to point at photos of his classmates and say their name, which is a great sign regarding his memory.  My coworkers who have seen him more recently than myself say that he is beginning to show his old personality again, and the N we all know, love, and that drives us crazy is coming back - really, that's the best news I've heard in a long time!  

Today he was moved from the children's hospital to the rehab clinic, so that is also good news.  Keep the prayers going upward and I'll keep you updated.  I'm hoping to go see him Wednesday or Thursday this week; I want to talk to him and pass on greetings to him from people who love him.  

Again thank you!  The little guy would thank you too, if he knew you had such a committed part in his recovery.  

Still Waiting

We're always waiting for something, aren't we?  Most of the United States is just waiting for Christmas right now - especially little kids.  We're waiting for the snow to come.  Waiting for the economy to get better.  Waiting for a change.  Waiting for anything.  

On a more personal level, I've been waiting also.  The past week I've been waiting for a Christmas tree.  Up until October 18th, I was just waiting to be married.  Now, and for the next several months, we're just waiting to move closer to family. 

I am not sure why we are constantly waiting instead of doing.  Why am I not DOING something about lacking a tree?  Why have I not just enjoyed every moment of each day, as it is, not hoping for more or waiting for what is to come.  We miss out on so much as we wait for future events... 

Taking a different twist on the word "waiting", I am still waiting for more information/updates on N.  I haven't heard anything new since I last saw him on Tuesday, and I am assuming I won't hear anything more until I go and visit him again this week.  I've been trying to focus on the funny and worthwhile stories I have of my time with him before his accident, rather than worrying about his current state.  Of course, it is both expected and acceptable to have concern for the little guy, but worrying isn't going to help anything.  As I've said many times before, N is a truly a fighter, and he's going to recover from this tragedy... we don't know how far he'll come or how long it will take, but nothing is going to stand in this kid's way of getting out of that hospital bed.  

So, with that, a couple of laugh-provoking stories starring the now infamous N.B.:

Mac and I were walking through Lowe's today and I thought of the countless hours this summer walking through stores.  N has an obsessive need to touch absolutely EVERYTHING in any store, paying no attention to the fact that he will most likely break it and I most likely will pay for it, which will also most likely result in N throwing a tantrum which in turn means I will most likely draw lots of attention to myself as I physically remove him from the premises.  So, we walk through stores to practice asking before touching things.  One particular outing went like this:

N: Mikaela, can I please touch that?

Me: No.

N: WHY NOT?!?!?!

Me: That's a washing machine, N.  Read the price tag.

N: $15.69?

Me: Try again.

N: $150.69?

Me: Nope, try again buddy.

N: $1,569?

Me: Yep... that's a lot of money so we don't want to break that.

N: Yeah, that's too expensive for me to touch!

And then we move on to the refrigerator aisle and start the conversation again.

That's all I can do for today, as I wait.

Prayer requests: Continued healing and progress in his therapy for N.  Also, a peaceful night's sleep for me.  I haven't had one since the accident.

Visit #2

Well, we did it... we went and visited N at the hospital today.  It really is a depressing ordeal to visit a child at the hospital... pretty much the saddest thing I have ever encountered.  

The good news is he was very alert, responsive to questions, although he will not respond unless told exactly what to do.  For example, we couldn't just say, "Do you want your sock off?" We said, "If you want your sock off, raise your foot, if not put it down."  But, the fact that he is comprehending what a sock and a foot is and the action of putting it up or down in connection with what he wants is great progress and quite encouraging.  He wanted me to rub his head for a while, which was cute - he put his arm up when he wanted me to keep going.  When we left, he squeezed each of our hands and waved goodbye on command.  

He spends time each day with the PT, OT, and Speech Therapist.  The good thing is, he doesn't have to relearn each task - he remembers the process of walking, of brushing his teeth, even of doing puzzles... it's just a matter of getting his body to do what he wants it to, which is where the biggest challenge is.  

One of the saddest realizations I came to after this visit was that the two things N loves to do most are talk and run... and as of right now, it appears it will be a long time before he will do either, if ever again.  

Another fact I realized tonight is that the parents are always going to say something that makes me burn inside and that is just plain wrong.  So, from this point on, just assume it's always a prayer request that they show love to their little boy and that God replaces my hatred with grace.  They are not worth mentioning in my updates of N, so you won't hear about them or the horrible comments they make.

Again, thank you for your prayers and for desiring to stay updated on our little buddy.  I might go see him again on Friday, but I'll write as soon as I hear anything new.

Receiving Info

I got a brief update today... two of my coworkers went to see N yesterday, and said that he looked even better than Wednesday.  He now responds to yes/no questions with a thumbs up/down sign, which is HUGE improvement and a great sign of his brain beginning to function again.  He still cannot talk or walk, and needed help standing to brush his teeth.  

Got some more news on things the parents are doing that make us pretty darn angry, all in regards to getting money.  If you know N and want to know the details on that, just call/ask.  Pray that I do not let this feed my hatred of the two.

My coworker and I are going to go visit N tomorrow afternoon, so I'll have more of a personal update after that.  

Thanks for your prayers - keep them coming; N needs all the prayers he can get!

Improvement

I sucked it up and went to the children's hospital today to see N.  This was incredibly difficult for me for three reasons - 1.) I really despise hospitals and trying to navigate my way around them. 2.) I dread any interaction with N's parents. 3.) Most importantly, I didn't think I could handle seeing N this way.

I'll give the good news first.  N was moved out of PICU (Pediatric) at about noon today and put in general pediatrics.  He is now considered "awake" (Out of the coma!!), and took two steps with help on command this morning.  He seemed pretty alert when I was there - I took him "The Little Engine That Could" and a stuffed animal monkey (because N once told me he was a monkey and he loves to climb EVERYTHING).  When I put the monkey on his lap, he grabbed it with his right hand and started bouncing it up and down on the rail, as if it was walking... he made lots of noises while doing this, and when I talked to him, he looked at me, though I'm not sure he recognized me, it was good to see that he was responding to other people.

The tough news - N can't talk.  He makes lots of noises, but they are all grunts and coos.  His eyes are only part open, but his mom said they are the most open they've been yet... which means there's improvement, which is good.  He is showing limited use of his left side which could be a result of many things, but the main point is - we want him to start using that side.  He would try and sit up to play with the monkey but fall over on his left side because his left arm was still behind him.  He was very agitated, which is not all that abnormal, considering it's N.  It's going to be very slow going, but as I said before, this kid's a fighter.  He's showing us all he's going to be okay.  He'll need lots of PT, Speech Therapy, and others, but he'll be okay.  I hope.

Prayer - pray for patience of the doctors and N's parents; trying to keep this kid in a hospital bed hooked up to machines will be no easy task.  Pray that he continues to improve and that they discover what is causing the immobility of his left side.  Pray that as he improves, the issues of his life after hospital will work out, and that if at all possible, he can be put in a safe home. 

Thank you, everyone for your prayers and concerns... it means a lot to me, and I know N would be ecstatic if he knew he was the center of so many people's attention.