It eats away...

My prayers are with my best friend's family today... Grandpa Olson passed away last night after a battle with cancer. We thank the Lord that he no longer suffers, but grief is never easy.

I only meant Grandpa twice. The first time was about 6 years ago; Krissa invited me to join the family for a vacation to Ontario, Oregon to visit her grandparents. For those of you who don't know where Ontario is, it sits right on the Snake River across from Boise. Her grandparents house sat on a quiet little street with lots of space.... They made such a peaceful escape for us... Her grandfather was a master artist in woodwork, stained glass, and landscaping. I wish I had a photo of him, but this is Krissa and me (and Abby) enjoying his creations outside the house. I don't know much about grandpa besides that he was a retired military man who loved his family.. a quiet spirit in my mind. I can only sympathize with the pain of loss but also rejoice in knowing he is at peace rather than misery.

The Lord has been reminding me lately of how short this life is. I'm currently in the book of Ecclesiastes, which is all about how meaningless life is. Solomon, believed to be the wisest man ever to live, found that after all his wisdom, all his wealth and riches, still life was empty. He kept searching for fulfillment and came up short. "For who knows what is good for a man in life, during the few and meaningless days he passes through like a shadow? Who can tell him what will happen under the sun after he is gone?... death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart." (Ecc. 6:12, 7:2)

Death hurts. Each time it comes and swallows up a loved one I am reminded of its sting. We lost Mac's grandfather in December, and I am reminded yet again of the ache that constricts my chest. When there is nothing you can do to bring them back. Nothing you can say to make the ones that were closest to them stop hurting. Death is ugly.

But God's grace is beautiful. I'm so thankful for the sermon on Sunday, the consistency of my quiet times, the conversations I've had lately, and even the recent passing of loved ones. God intended us to enjoy His creation and that which he gave us while having a vision of eternity. He has a way of speaking through every possible vessel around me, whether it be my husband who exercises outstanding patience with me, my grandma who loves to just spend a minute with me, a co-worker who sees the best in me, or a best friend who helps me through the difficult times... all conversations remind me that this life is full of His beautiful grace and love.

Our family friend passed away almost 2 years ago this April and I will never forget the last moment I spent with him. He gave me this little card that had a picture of St. Francis of Assissi on one side and his prayer on the other. He told me to make it my life goal, just as he has. Well, Superman, you succeeded - your life has touched so many...

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen