GOOD NEWS!

Thank you so much for all your prayers - they've been answered! I have constantly stressed that my biggest request was that N would talk and walk again, and praise the Lord, he's doing both! Saturday he took 60 steps independently which is incredible.  As of Tuesday, he was barely standing on his own.  Also, Tuesday, when I saw him, he was not talking at all... by Thursday he was saying "yeah" and "okay" and by Saturday he was speaking in full sentences - slurred and hard to understand, but sentences nonetheless!  

In addition, he was able to point at photos of his classmates and say their name, which is a great sign regarding his memory.  My coworkers who have seen him more recently than myself say that he is beginning to show his old personality again, and the N we all know, love, and that drives us crazy is coming back - really, that's the best news I've heard in a long time!  

Today he was moved from the children's hospital to the rehab clinic, so that is also good news.  Keep the prayers going upward and I'll keep you updated.  I'm hoping to go see him Wednesday or Thursday this week; I want to talk to him and pass on greetings to him from people who love him.  

Again thank you!  The little guy would thank you too, if he knew you had such a committed part in his recovery.  

Still Waiting

We're always waiting for something, aren't we?  Most of the United States is just waiting for Christmas right now - especially little kids.  We're waiting for the snow to come.  Waiting for the economy to get better.  Waiting for a change.  Waiting for anything.  

On a more personal level, I've been waiting also.  The past week I've been waiting for a Christmas tree.  Up until October 18th, I was just waiting to be married.  Now, and for the next several months, we're just waiting to move closer to family. 

I am not sure why we are constantly waiting instead of doing.  Why am I not DOING something about lacking a tree?  Why have I not just enjoyed every moment of each day, as it is, not hoping for more or waiting for what is to come.  We miss out on so much as we wait for future events... 

Taking a different twist on the word "waiting", I am still waiting for more information/updates on N.  I haven't heard anything new since I last saw him on Tuesday, and I am assuming I won't hear anything more until I go and visit him again this week.  I've been trying to focus on the funny and worthwhile stories I have of my time with him before his accident, rather than worrying about his current state.  Of course, it is both expected and acceptable to have concern for the little guy, but worrying isn't going to help anything.  As I've said many times before, N is a truly a fighter, and he's going to recover from this tragedy... we don't know how far he'll come or how long it will take, but nothing is going to stand in this kid's way of getting out of that hospital bed.  

So, with that, a couple of laugh-provoking stories starring the now infamous N.B.:

Mac and I were walking through Lowe's today and I thought of the countless hours this summer walking through stores.  N has an obsessive need to touch absolutely EVERYTHING in any store, paying no attention to the fact that he will most likely break it and I most likely will pay for it, which will also most likely result in N throwing a tantrum which in turn means I will most likely draw lots of attention to myself as I physically remove him from the premises.  So, we walk through stores to practice asking before touching things.  One particular outing went like this:

N: Mikaela, can I please touch that?

Me: No.

N: WHY NOT?!?!?!

Me: That's a washing machine, N.  Read the price tag.

N: $15.69?

Me: Try again.

N: $150.69?

Me: Nope, try again buddy.

N: $1,569?

Me: Yep... that's a lot of money so we don't want to break that.

N: Yeah, that's too expensive for me to touch!

And then we move on to the refrigerator aisle and start the conversation again.

That's all I can do for today, as I wait.

Prayer requests: Continued healing and progress in his therapy for N.  Also, a peaceful night's sleep for me.  I haven't had one since the accident.

Visit #2

Well, we did it... we went and visited N at the hospital today.  It really is a depressing ordeal to visit a child at the hospital... pretty much the saddest thing I have ever encountered.  

The good news is he was very alert, responsive to questions, although he will not respond unless told exactly what to do.  For example, we couldn't just say, "Do you want your sock off?" We said, "If you want your sock off, raise your foot, if not put it down."  But, the fact that he is comprehending what a sock and a foot is and the action of putting it up or down in connection with what he wants is great progress and quite encouraging.  He wanted me to rub his head for a while, which was cute - he put his arm up when he wanted me to keep going.  When we left, he squeezed each of our hands and waved goodbye on command.  

He spends time each day with the PT, OT, and Speech Therapist.  The good thing is, he doesn't have to relearn each task - he remembers the process of walking, of brushing his teeth, even of doing puzzles... it's just a matter of getting his body to do what he wants it to, which is where the biggest challenge is.  

One of the saddest realizations I came to after this visit was that the two things N loves to do most are talk and run... and as of right now, it appears it will be a long time before he will do either, if ever again.  

Another fact I realized tonight is that the parents are always going to say something that makes me burn inside and that is just plain wrong.  So, from this point on, just assume it's always a prayer request that they show love to their little boy and that God replaces my hatred with grace.  They are not worth mentioning in my updates of N, so you won't hear about them or the horrible comments they make.

Again, thank you for your prayers and for desiring to stay updated on our little buddy.  I might go see him again on Friday, but I'll write as soon as I hear anything new.

Receiving Info

I got a brief update today... two of my coworkers went to see N yesterday, and said that he looked even better than Wednesday.  He now responds to yes/no questions with a thumbs up/down sign, which is HUGE improvement and a great sign of his brain beginning to function again.  He still cannot talk or walk, and needed help standing to brush his teeth.  

Got some more news on things the parents are doing that make us pretty darn angry, all in regards to getting money.  If you know N and want to know the details on that, just call/ask.  Pray that I do not let this feed my hatred of the two.

My coworker and I are going to go visit N tomorrow afternoon, so I'll have more of a personal update after that.  

Thanks for your prayers - keep them coming; N needs all the prayers he can get!

Improvement

I sucked it up and went to the children's hospital today to see N.  This was incredibly difficult for me for three reasons - 1.) I really despise hospitals and trying to navigate my way around them. 2.) I dread any interaction with N's parents. 3.) Most importantly, I didn't think I could handle seeing N this way.

I'll give the good news first.  N was moved out of PICU (Pediatric) at about noon today and put in general pediatrics.  He is now considered "awake" (Out of the coma!!), and took two steps with help on command this morning.  He seemed pretty alert when I was there - I took him "The Little Engine That Could" and a stuffed animal monkey (because N once told me he was a monkey and he loves to climb EVERYTHING).  When I put the monkey on his lap, he grabbed it with his right hand and started bouncing it up and down on the rail, as if it was walking... he made lots of noises while doing this, and when I talked to him, he looked at me, though I'm not sure he recognized me, it was good to see that he was responding to other people.

The tough news - N can't talk.  He makes lots of noises, but they are all grunts and coos.  His eyes are only part open, but his mom said they are the most open they've been yet... which means there's improvement, which is good.  He is showing limited use of his left side which could be a result of many things, but the main point is - we want him to start using that side.  He would try and sit up to play with the monkey but fall over on his left side because his left arm was still behind him.  He was very agitated, which is not all that abnormal, considering it's N.  It's going to be very slow going, but as I said before, this kid's a fighter.  He's showing us all he's going to be okay.  He'll need lots of PT, Speech Therapy, and others, but he'll be okay.  I hope.

Prayer - pray for patience of the doctors and N's parents; trying to keep this kid in a hospital bed hooked up to machines will be no easy task.  Pray that he continues to improve and that they discover what is causing the immobility of his left side.  Pray that as he improves, the issues of his life after hospital will work out, and that if at all possible, he can be put in a safe home. 

Thank you, everyone for your prayers and concerns... it means a lot to me, and I know N would be ecstatic if he knew he was the center of so many people's attention.

Hate

A lot of my previous posts (which I apologize for being so scarce lately) have been inspired by the wonderful little boy that I spend most of my afternoons with.  To completely disregard the fact that he is a handful, often verbally and physically attempts to hurt me, and just sometimes is plain difficult would be untruthful.  But, underneath it all, I have come to grow and cherish the little guy; he is sincere beyond belief - and truly has a tender heart when it comes down to it. 

This post is inspired by him as well, and is seemingly difficult for me to write.  Over the past two days, I've been bottling up emotions and thoughts that I need to let out. 

Thirty-six hours ago I found out that this nine-year-old boy I've been working with for the last four months was hit by a car when riding his bike without a helmet.  He was life-flighted to the children's hospital in Spokane where he is in ICU, in a coma, suffering traumatic brain injury.  I don't know all the details, but all I know is it's not looking good.  When I first listened to the message I was in complete shock.  When I actually talked to someone about it, I was incredibly saddened, scared, but in all honestly, mostly angry.  I have never struggled with hating people, but this situation has brought out a new feeling of anger and rage that I have never experienced.  Because of confidentiality and my conscience, I cannot share the details behind this emotion.  NB deserved more than this and I just wish I could do something about it.  All I can do right now, though, is cry and feel sick, and try everything to focus on Thanksgiving instead of this awful event.  And in the midst of it all, I keep trying to suppress the feeling of my throat closing up and my lung being compressed by an heavy black burden.  

More to come on NB when I can pull myself together.  Pray for the ones I hate, pray for me that I will forgive, pray for the innocent 19-year-old girl that hit NB... but mostly, please, please, please, pray hardest for my little buddy.  He's a fighter.  Pull through, bud.

Fearing God

The phrase "Fear the Lord your God" is found in the Bible at least 27 times, most often as a command from God himself. It is important to understand that fearing God is a different type of fear than being afraid. The word "fear" as used in the Old Testament comes from the Hebrew word "yare, qal" meaning "to fear, revere, be afraid - to stand in awe of, awed, to fear, reverence, honor, respect" (Found in Strong's Concordance). When God says "Fear the Lord your God", it is a reminder to remember that in the midst of his goodness and his love, He is all-powerful, and has the capacity to do anything that He sees fit. Just because He is in control, however, doesn't mean he's going to lash out wrath upon the people He created. The thing about God that makes Him God, the reason that He is worth knowing and serving is that He has chosen to love the people of this earth despite the decisions we make and the selfish acts we perform.

I have struggled with this concept of "fearing the Lord" quite often. Someone recently asked me why I continue to seek a relationship with Jesus. I told him that originally, I wanted to know Christ more because I felt indebted to Him for his unconditional love and the sacrifice He made by taking my place of death (which I fully deserve, as does every other human who has sinned..). In response to his gift to me, I wanted to give my whole life to serving Him and telling others about His love. I sought Jesus because I feared God - that I needed to repay Him (and this wasn't the Fear of the Lord described in the Bible). It wasn't until I began going out of my comfort zone to tell others of Christ's love that I realized that the reason for seeking Christ has nothing to do with me at all. It is not because I am indebted to Him, nor is it because I want a relationship with Him. It is because of this utterly overwhelming love of Christ that I seek Him more. Once you have felt and accepted His love for what it is - nothing more, nothing less, you cannot help but want nothing but Him. And this is when the Fear of the Lord makes itself known - a pure reverence.